Dealing with Divorce and Coming Out Debt Free, Cashed Up and Laughing
Hi Cath,
I have submitted a few ideas over the years and I've had something I wanted to submit stuck in my head for a couple of days.
I went through a divorce just over 4 years ago and it seems to me that a break up or divorce is such a vulnerable time for a family emotionally and financially.
A lot of the time financially things change, suddenly and dramatically and I read many articles that said it would take about 3 - 4 years to recover financially from a break up because often jobs change, housing changes, double set of bills, child maintenance etc. etc.
I've come out of it really well, debt free, cashed up and laughing, but originally it wasn't like that. I went back to nothing in the bank, a new job that paid monthly and just enough money for the bond to rent back the house I sold. Until the financials went through the divorce court, all the money was tied up for over a year and a half and I lived on baked beans on toast pretty much. It was awful. I wish I had a slush fund, but didn't.
I did learn a few tips and tricks while going through this time:
When you get a bill, ring them up and arrange for an extension - as long as you pay on time of the next extension, it won't be a problem but it helped me juggle the bills so I could pay them and eat.
I used to go out to restaurants a lot - instead, went and had a $4 coffee with a friend and a walk around a park, just as fun, a lot less expensive or cooked at home.
Tips for using lawyers for settlements (I have worked as a legal secretary for over 20 years and it was an eye opener to be on the other side of the table getting my divorce sorted):
Stay civil, even if you have left on bad terms with your spouse. Stay civil to get things sorted or you may as well flush your money down the toilet.
Be organised and bring with you to your lawyers all documents - if they have to obtain copies of birth certificates or financial statements it will cost, if you do it, it will be much, much cheaper.
Ask them if you can go on a payment plan to pay your bills. Often in family law this won't be an issue - or negotiate to pay your fees at the end of a financial settlement (e.g. lump sum).
And many, many more ways to enjoy life and still save money.
Other more long term things I found helpful were looking at it as a new way to create a new life.
What size home did I really need in the future?
What was important to me now?
How was I going to create my future financially as a single?
What were my goals?
I came from a life of keeping up with the Jones' and needing the shiniest new thing and was massively in debt.
Now I have everything I want, with no debt and money in the bank. That is a good feeling - no, that is a GREAT FEELING!
It also made me realise that having money in the bank helped with these situations - any crisis, and living from pay to pay was just no good and kept me in a poverty mindset.
I was wondering if Cheapskaters would maybe be willing to submit their tips and tricks for getting through a break up/divorce financially. It's something we rarely talk about but it is a time when it is the most important and I'm sure a lot of people have been there and made it through the other side.
Even things like counselling - which can be very necessary for all members of the family but very expensive - if you go to your doctor he can refer you to free or very low cost counselling - anything that can be helpful to get people through such a sad and stressful period could be helpful to your readers.
What do you think Cath? Could it be useful?
Kind regards,
CJ
I have submitted a few ideas over the years and I've had something I wanted to submit stuck in my head for a couple of days.
I went through a divorce just over 4 years ago and it seems to me that a break up or divorce is such a vulnerable time for a family emotionally and financially.
A lot of the time financially things change, suddenly and dramatically and I read many articles that said it would take about 3 - 4 years to recover financially from a break up because often jobs change, housing changes, double set of bills, child maintenance etc. etc.
I've come out of it really well, debt free, cashed up and laughing, but originally it wasn't like that. I went back to nothing in the bank, a new job that paid monthly and just enough money for the bond to rent back the house I sold. Until the financials went through the divorce court, all the money was tied up for over a year and a half and I lived on baked beans on toast pretty much. It was awful. I wish I had a slush fund, but didn't.
I did learn a few tips and tricks while going through this time:
When you get a bill, ring them up and arrange for an extension - as long as you pay on time of the next extension, it won't be a problem but it helped me juggle the bills so I could pay them and eat.
I used to go out to restaurants a lot - instead, went and had a $4 coffee with a friend and a walk around a park, just as fun, a lot less expensive or cooked at home.
Tips for using lawyers for settlements (I have worked as a legal secretary for over 20 years and it was an eye opener to be on the other side of the table getting my divorce sorted):
Stay civil, even if you have left on bad terms with your spouse. Stay civil to get things sorted or you may as well flush your money down the toilet.
Be organised and bring with you to your lawyers all documents - if they have to obtain copies of birth certificates or financial statements it will cost, if you do it, it will be much, much cheaper.
Ask them if you can go on a payment plan to pay your bills. Often in family law this won't be an issue - or negotiate to pay your fees at the end of a financial settlement (e.g. lump sum).
And many, many more ways to enjoy life and still save money.
Other more long term things I found helpful were looking at it as a new way to create a new life.
What size home did I really need in the future?
What was important to me now?
How was I going to create my future financially as a single?
What were my goals?
I came from a life of keeping up with the Jones' and needing the shiniest new thing and was massively in debt.
Now I have everything I want, with no debt and money in the bank. That is a good feeling - no, that is a GREAT FEELING!
It also made me realise that having money in the bank helped with these situations - any crisis, and living from pay to pay was just no good and kept me in a poverty mindset.
I was wondering if Cheapskaters would maybe be willing to submit their tips and tricks for getting through a break up/divorce financially. It's something we rarely talk about but it is a time when it is the most important and I'm sure a lot of people have been there and made it through the other side.
Even things like counselling - which can be very necessary for all members of the family but very expensive - if you go to your doctor he can refer you to free or very low cost counselling - anything that can be helpful to get people through such a sad and stressful period could be helpful to your readers.
What do you think Cath? Could it be useful?
Kind regards,
CJ
I think if other Cheapskaters are willing to share not only their tips for dealing with break-ups and divorce, but their stories too (and your anonymity will be respected) then it can only add to the value of Cheapskates.
If you’d like to share a tip or your story please email me personally here. I will get your email and I will read it and add your advice to the new section in the Tip Store. Please be patient though, it may take up to two weeks for you to see your advice in the Tip Store.
If you’d like to share a tip or your story please email me personally here. I will get your email and I will read it and add your advice to the new section in the Tip Store. Please be patient though, it may take up to two weeks for you to see your advice in the Tip Store.