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The Great 2020 TP Crisis - March 2020
Cheapskates Style Solutions to a Pressing Problem
This is a list of alternatives to toilet paper. They all work. They are all cheap. And they are all effective.
To get started you will need a bucket with a lid to keep in the bathroom because most of these solutions can't be flushed. If you do flush them you will clog your sewer system and a plumber call out will cost you a couple of hundred dollars at the very least. So please don't flush these alternatives and make sure you train the family to not flush them.
Empty the bucket, rinse and dry it every day to avoid odours. It only takes a moment and using Miracle Spray or a drop of bleach to clean it will ensure it is really clean.
Face Washers
If they're good enough for baby's bottom, they're good enough for yours. You can find cheap face washers (and in this case, the cheaper the better) at $2 shops, op shops, even Spotlight, Lincraft, Kmart and Big W sell bundles of cheap, plain coloured face washers. Choose a colour so that everyone will know that they are MOO TP Cloths. Keep a bucket with a lid in the bathroom, and after use, drop the cloth in the bucket. Then at the end of the day soak them in a bucket of nappy soaker overnight Next morning tip into the washing machine and rinse. Hang in the sun to dry and they are clean and ready to be used again. DO NOT FLUSH!
Family Cloth
This suggestion has been around longer than the Internet. It is the same principle as the face washers, but the wipes are made from flanelette or old sheets or even old towels and bathmats. Just cut into squares, hem or overlock to avoid fraying and use. Clean them the same way you would the face washers.
Tissues
Choose plain facial tissues. Avoid the eucalyptus tissues - for obvious reasons. Plain tissues can be flushed on sewer systems. Do not flush them on septic or biocomposting systems. Choose two ply tissues - and in this case generics are fine. Look for them in chemists, $2 shops, market stalls if your supermarket is out.
Baby Wipes
One should be plenty. Say no more - this one is pretty self-explanatory. Note: you can buy flushable wipes. Don't flush them - they really are not meant to be flushed. Drop them in your bucket.
Make-up Wipes
See above! Seriously, if you're game enough to use them to clean your face, they'll do for other areas too. Try chemists and $2 shops if you can't find them at your supermarket.
Paper Serviettes
Go for plain white, two ply; they are a bigger than toilet paper sheets so one should be plenty. Use the wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe, fold method. And they are cheap - 99c for 200. Again look for them in $2 shops where they will be cheaper if your supermarket is out.
Paper Towel
One sheet is ample. Again, the wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe, fold method ensures one sheet is enough. Generic is fine - seriously, you don't need to buy expensive paper towel for this chore. Do not flush!
Phone Books/Old Print Books
Just tear the pages out. Fold each page in half to make two ply. Do not flush!
The Shower
If all else fails a quick shower and a clean with - you guessed it a soapy face washer - will do the job, and probably save time the next morning too. This is works well for toddlers and children. Or you could to to extremes and let them run under the garden hose for a couple of minutes!
Tissue Paper
Head to the gift wrap and buy plain tissue paper. Cut into squares. Years ago fruit came wrapped in tissue paper and it was saved, cut into squares and put in the outhouse. Tissue paper isn't as thick as paper towel or tissues, so you'll need two or three layers. Again, do not flush!
I do not recommend newsprint unless you've tried everything else and have run completely out. Newsprint bleeds when damp - in other words it will leave black marks. Now that may not bother you, because unless you're really, really flexible you won't see them, but they could transfer to your clothes and it stains.
Most households would have at least one or two of the above alternatives on hand. It's just a matter of thinking outside the box to see what you can come up with when the TP runs out.
This is a list of alternatives to toilet paper. They all work. They are all cheap. And they are all effective.
To get started you will need a bucket with a lid to keep in the bathroom because most of these solutions can't be flushed. If you do flush them you will clog your sewer system and a plumber call out will cost you a couple of hundred dollars at the very least. So please don't flush these alternatives and make sure you train the family to not flush them.
Empty the bucket, rinse and dry it every day to avoid odours. It only takes a moment and using Miracle Spray or a drop of bleach to clean it will ensure it is really clean.
Face Washers
If they're good enough for baby's bottom, they're good enough for yours. You can find cheap face washers (and in this case, the cheaper the better) at $2 shops, op shops, even Spotlight, Lincraft, Kmart and Big W sell bundles of cheap, plain coloured face washers. Choose a colour so that everyone will know that they are MOO TP Cloths. Keep a bucket with a lid in the bathroom, and after use, drop the cloth in the bucket. Then at the end of the day soak them in a bucket of nappy soaker overnight Next morning tip into the washing machine and rinse. Hang in the sun to dry and they are clean and ready to be used again. DO NOT FLUSH!
Family Cloth
This suggestion has been around longer than the Internet. It is the same principle as the face washers, but the wipes are made from flanelette or old sheets or even old towels and bathmats. Just cut into squares, hem or overlock to avoid fraying and use. Clean them the same way you would the face washers.
Tissues
Choose plain facial tissues. Avoid the eucalyptus tissues - for obvious reasons. Plain tissues can be flushed on sewer systems. Do not flush them on septic or biocomposting systems. Choose two ply tissues - and in this case generics are fine. Look for them in chemists, $2 shops, market stalls if your supermarket is out.
Baby Wipes
One should be plenty. Say no more - this one is pretty self-explanatory. Note: you can buy flushable wipes. Don't flush them - they really are not meant to be flushed. Drop them in your bucket.
Make-up Wipes
See above! Seriously, if you're game enough to use them to clean your face, they'll do for other areas too. Try chemists and $2 shops if you can't find them at your supermarket.
Paper Serviettes
Go for plain white, two ply; they are a bigger than toilet paper sheets so one should be plenty. Use the wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe, fold method. And they are cheap - 99c for 200. Again look for them in $2 shops where they will be cheaper if your supermarket is out.
Paper Towel
One sheet is ample. Again, the wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe, fold method ensures one sheet is enough. Generic is fine - seriously, you don't need to buy expensive paper towel for this chore. Do not flush!
Phone Books/Old Print Books
Just tear the pages out. Fold each page in half to make two ply. Do not flush!
The Shower
If all else fails a quick shower and a clean with - you guessed it a soapy face washer - will do the job, and probably save time the next morning too. This is works well for toddlers and children. Or you could to to extremes and let them run under the garden hose for a couple of minutes!
Tissue Paper
Head to the gift wrap and buy plain tissue paper. Cut into squares. Years ago fruit came wrapped in tissue paper and it was saved, cut into squares and put in the outhouse. Tissue paper isn't as thick as paper towel or tissues, so you'll need two or three layers. Again, do not flush!
I do not recommend newsprint unless you've tried everything else and have run completely out. Newsprint bleeds when damp - in other words it will leave black marks. Now that may not bother you, because unless you're really, really flexible you won't see them, but they could transfer to your clothes and it stains.
Most households would have at least one or two of the above alternatives on hand. It's just a matter of thinking outside the box to see what you can come up with when the TP runs out.